I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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