He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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