I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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