Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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