god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
