I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
