I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
