If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
