Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
And then he peed in my hair
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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