I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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