textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
