Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
