i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
