You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
