I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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