Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
