Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
