You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
