She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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