Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
