My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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