I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
