3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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