Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's always time for handjobs
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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