I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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