I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
