Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
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