Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
