dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
