...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
one might say we're banned from that church
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
