Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
not ubering you a puppy
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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