ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
