so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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