i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Send help, water and tortillas.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
