Three words: puerto rican gang bang
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
