I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
