my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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