he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
