all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
