I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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