Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
