clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Found your dick twin last night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
