omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
