I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
