After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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