So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
