trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
