Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
not ubering you a puppy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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