you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
