i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
