you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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