just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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